I’m memorizing this response from Patrick Mead. It’ll come in handy some day I’m sure.
A couple was furious with our church. We had gone to see what happened to them after someone noticed they’d been gone from our worship assembly for some time. “We aren’t coming back,” the husband said. “That is an unloving, cold church that claims to care about people but doesn’t.” I asked him on what basis he made that judgment and he replied, “We were gone four weeks from that church before anyone there even noticed. What kind of church doesn’t even notice something like that?”
I replied, “What kind of person are you, that you could be gone for four weeks and the no one in the church could tell?” They were shocked by this ‘attack’ so I pressed on. “What work suffered because you stopped your ministry? What mission work ground to a halt because you withdrew your funding, prayers and support? Could it be — just imagine with me a moment — could it be that you never really were a part of the church? Could that be why your departure was unnoticed?”
Telling Stories, Asking Questions, Learning Lessons
I appreciate you posting Patrick’s thoughts here. Since there are a variety of reasons why people choose to absent themselves from congregational gatherings, this may not always be the best approach. However, I believe we’ve danced around the tough questions long enough.
Spiritual leadership, IMO, requires that we make our lives transparent enough that others will know we genuinely care for them and, in a sense, earn the right to speak candidly with them. On a personal level, when I know the questions are coming from someone who loves me with the love of the Lord, they can ask me almost anything.
Thanks for giving these thoughts broader coverage. I believe we will all benefit from the discussion to follow. Shalom.
Funny, i had just sent that same post to the ministers and elders of our church. Now, if could all be that bold when faced with similar circumstances…
I have actually used that very line of “argument” / “reasoning” with people in the past. Some have been even more offended. Others have found themselves unable to respond. Sometimes facing truth is very unpleasant.
The truth hurts.
Wade, How do I get a tape or CD of Sweet’s sermon on the Starbucks cup? I would love to hear that!
Wow. I can’t tell you how deeply that resonates. We all know that when people are wounded, suffering, struggling, depressed, weak or even just entirely exhausted they very well may need the church to come alongside, support, care, serve and even at times carry them, protect them and so on. But in the name of ‘keeping our customers’ we have been so guilty of creating low expectations, consumeristic expectations and doing everything to keep folks in pews and opening wallets. But the call of discipleship is one to giving life away in God’s mission. This means everyone contributing, serving, living it out and carrying their own weight.
I’m copying and pasting right now…
I appreciate your post. As a minister I have felt that same way to those who seem self-centered. Many Christian stuggle with what Pual says “NO Longer I”. Christians need to understand that it is not about what I can get but what I can give.
Going to one service a week with 800 other people is not church…it’s corporate worship. Perhaps the two get dangerously confused.
Gutsy move not to coddle them. You did everything you could short of making cry baby noises and saying “Somebody call the whaaambulance!”
Wow – I have had those same thoughts but usually well after I’ve met with the “couple” in question. Great response and dead on!
My father in law in Atlanta has used that line for years as an elder. He’s never gotten an answer he says that makes him want to keep the couple in question at the church. Good stuff indeed.
Patrick’s good reply reminds me of a sermon my friend Joe Garman preaches, “What if God withdrew His Holy Spirit from the Church?” The tragedy is that it many churches they wouldn’t even know the Holy Spirit had departed, let alone been there.
Perhaps, these untilitarian “comebacks” are useful or maybe they are just another way to say shut up! These quips seem to ignore the worth essential worth of the human as an image bearer of God. Also, asking Lazarus at the gate — gone missing — could not have given an answer of the kind asked either. WWJD?
Sorry I seem to be the lone voice here