There are many keys to being an effective leader. Just ask John Maxwell.
One that I’ve been thinking a lot about lately is one that I don’t hear talked about much at leadership conferences.
In order to be an effective leader you have to be able to tolerate pain. Your own pain as well as the pain of others. Sometimes others will inflict pain upon you. You must absorb and carry it forward in order to lead. Sometimes you will be called upon to inflict pain on others for their own good or for the good of the organization you lead. If you don’t think leaders inflict pain, then go make a decision and see if anyone yelps. Sometimes you will inflict pain upon yourself when you inflict pain on others because you care so much about those whom you are leading.
Without a doubt, one of the hardest things to do as a leader is to watch people we love squirm with emotional pain because of a position we’ve taken. Most of us end up caving sooner or later and we sheepishly reverse our position or change our direction in order to dull the pain and keep the peace.
The reason most churches within my sphere of awareness are struggling to move forward in any kind of discernible way is because their leadership is spending all their time and energy trying to avoid pain. They think the absence of pain is a sign of good leadership. Making sure no one gets hurt may be a win for a bank robber (Put your hands in the air and do what you’re told and no one gets hurt), but it’s a terrible way of judging how well we’re doing as leaders.
All pain avoidance does is delay the inevitable, which is . . .pain.
Leaders who try to avoid pain will someday will be confronted with the worst pain of all, the awareness that the end result of their perpetual pain avoidance is the collapse of the organization they were supposed to be leading.
Are you called to lead? If so, and if you’re not ready to experience and tolerate some pain, then please say no to the call. Whatever organization you’re being called to lead will be better off without you in leadership. If you’re ready to deal with some pain, then step up and buckle in, because it’s gonna hurt.
Telling Stories, Asking Questions, Learning Lessons
My guess is that many calls to genuine leadership are born from some degree of pain and one’s plight in dealing with it. Those leaders seem more likely to stay the course in the face of adversity.
Ain’t that the truth.
But, pain can also be pretty good feedback that something is ‘wrong’. Don’t assume that pain is always a necessary by-product of proper leadership.
E.g., my thumb hurts because I misdirected my hammer. Bad or selfish leadership (oxymoron?) causes plenty of pain.
Excellent comments. Brokenness, struggle and suffering both in our lives and in the lives of others are indeed deserve our direct attention in humility, courage and perseverance. Just ask Christ.
Glenn–good point. If the pain our leadership causes in others doesn’t hurt us as well, it may be a sign we’ve lost touch with the heart of leadership.
Here is a good quote from a good book.
“People’s expectations of leaders reach unrealistic proportions. The demands are keep everyone’s spiritual high, discourage any negative talk, stay loyal to the community’s values, eliminate vexing questions, maintain calm for the sake of togetherness. Sometimes the expectation is, “Remember, you are not authorized to push us, quiz us, or surprise us. If you want to be liked, don’t get ahead of us, Be our leader, but keep following us.” People do not want courageous leadership, but passive followers.”
http://www.matthewsblog.waynesborochurchofchrist.org
Great topic… And I would say a fair assessment of many church leadership teams… Now then, how would you propose leading change in that arena? How would you lead so called leaders into a “healthy” (much to discuss here) awareness of, and approach to dealing with, inflicting, and overcoming pain?
In my line of work I often find that CEO’s, VP’s, GM’s, etc. struggle with owning this mantle – to tolerate pain in a healthy way… Certainly, there are those out there in “leadership” positions who rather enjoy (overtly) inflicting pain (and I tend to agree that they are not really leaders at all), but to your point – for those leaders that try so hard to avoid pain at all costs, it inevitably costs everything in the end. It is my judgment that this causes much greater pain for everyone involved… It prevents prosperity.
A speaker (whose name escapes me) once said, “Conflict, handled appropriately, is the gateway to true community.” I believe that.
Anyway – thanks for kicking off the discussion…
J
As someone who has labored in pastoral ministry for 10 years now, I have seen people in my church that are better teachers than me, better administrators, more effective planners, and organizationally blow me way. I see their gifts and I often think, “Why in the world am I the one getting paid to do thi?.”
I think its because those called into pastoral ministry are somehow gifted with the ability to deal with criticism, work through pain, and minister from the heart when the heart is wounded.
Good thoughts Wade. Spurgeon also had some good thoughts on this in his “Lectures to My Students.”
Well, I just wanted to point out there there’s not necessarily a correlation between effective leadership and pain — in leadership or followship. Sometimes I think we fall into the trap of justifying tough decisions by saying “It was really painful for us [leadership] and our followers when we made this decision, so we must be effective leaders.”
More often than not, pain is involved in making hard decisions, but I think sometimes effective leadership could prevent and alleviate pain in both leadership and followship if more time were spent asking God for wisdom.
Sometimes leaders cause pain for themselves by dependence on their own wisdom or lack thereof. I.e., stupidity.
such a happy post.
I can attest to this post. After having been in leadership for 20 years there has been pain! But the up side of most of the pain – it typically brings some sort of resolution. In the removing a huge splinter the pain brings healing. In dealing with difficult issues, the pain should bring a better relationship, clarity of the goal, purity of heart or something that is desired. Otherwise there is no gain for your pain.
Excellent post!
Ouch!
I’m no big leader. But within the confines of my own household, I have no choice in the matter. I guess that would be considered a calling.
My family has to endure more pain than most due to some of our special circumstances. To be honest, I wish I could carry more of the pain. Seeing my wife and children endure too much is the most difficult thing.
We are at a point where changes have to be made. The status quo aint working. That is painful in and of itself.
I guess leadership aint easy.
Excellent work, Wade. You’ve created quite the stir up here at CTK in Bellingham. I’ve shared this with several othr leaders and we’re committing to talking it through in terms of the leadership culture of our church.
Thanks.