The Christmas Prophet

He appeared outside one of the main entrances to the Woodland Hills Mall on the Friday after Thanksgiving. He had frizzy, red hair and a beard to match. He wore bright green overalls and a white undershirt.

When asked, he would say that his name was John.

“Like, as in ‘The Baptist?'” asked a teenager who had been to Sunday school a few times.

Keenly aware of his post-denominational cultural context, he said, “No, just John.”

He drank nothing but strong black coffee from a silver thermos that was always within reach. He kept his overall pockets full of Christmas shortbread–the kind that?s covered with little sprinkles. When he ate it, some of the sprinkles would get into his beard. When he stood at just the right angle, relative to the sunlight, he sparkled.

Somewhere along the way he had picked up a cheerleader’s megaphone. As busy shoppers walked in and out of the mall, he shouted through it:

“2-4-6-8 change before it’s too late.
Repent! Repent! That-is-why-I-was-sent!”

Most people ignored him.

But a few would stop and listen. When a small crowd had gathered around him, he put down his megaphone, took a quick sip of coffee and said:

“You people put up your lights and your signs saying ‘Jesus is the reason for the season,’ but the truth is, shopping is your reason. Repent!”

“You sing songs about peace on earth and goodwill to all men, but you just flipped off an old lady because she beat you to the parking spot you wanted. Repent.”

“You call yourselves Christians. Little Christs. Is this the way he taught you to live? Don’t think that just because this is a Christian holiday your sinful behavior is justified. Repent! And prove your repentance with action!”

The small crowd around him began to scatter. They had heard enough. But a few of the few remained behind.

“What should we do?” they asked.

To those who were on their way into the mall, he said, “Turn around and go back home. You don’t need to go shopping. You’re already drowning in debt and paying outrageous interest rates. Don’t use the birth of Jesus as an excuse to buy things you don’t need with money you don’t have. Go home and get out of debt as fast as you can and then you’ll have money available to help those who are in real trouble.”

To those who were walking out of the mall, loaded down with bags of merchandise, he said, “Turn around and take it back. All of it. Unless it’s for someone who really needs it. Stop trying to buy the perfect something for someone who has everything. No one needs a dresser full of sweaters. Who do you know who wears all the coats they already have in their closet?”

To the haggard parents of three little kids he said, “Go home and start teaching your kids that there is more to life than getting everything on your wish list.”

Then he grabbed his megaphone and turned to those walking by and shouted, “You’re not celebrating the birth of the Prince of Stress. Repent!”