My Love/Hate List

Another lesson I’ve learned in the past year is that doing what I love makes me happy. Forcing myself to do what I hate sends me into a depressing funk.

So I’m trying to spend more of my time doing what I love and less of it doing what I hate.

This is why I recently brainstormed a “love/hate” list.

I started listing things I love to do. Things that energize me. Things that have the capacity to lift me out of a fog of depression or a swamp of self-doubt. I came up with a fairly long list.

I also listed a number of things that I hate to do. Things that drain me of energy. Things that make me cranky before, during, and after doing them. Things that if I were king of the world I would never have to do again.

How great would life be if I only did the things that I love, but completely eliminated what I hate?

It sounded like a great idea, until I actually took the time to think about it.

Once I did, I realized that the world would be a miserable place if we all refused to do what we don’t enjoy.

So I went back and evaluated my list with a more critical eye and saw several ways I could nuance the categories into something a bit more responsible and realistic.

I broke down my “love” list this way:

1. Things I love to do and seem to be good at doing because people other than my mom have told me I’m good at them. This is the “I could make money doing this” list. Public speaking falls into this category.

2. Things I enjoy, but should avoid because they are harmful to myself or others. Let’s call this one the “Just because you think it’s funny doesn’t mean you should say it out loud” list. Biting sarcasm comes easily for me, too easy. I’m trying to cut back.

3. Things I love to do, but can’t do very well, but still like to do when no one is watching. This is the “Leave me alone, its just a hobby” list. Freestyling hip-hop lyrics definitely belongs on this list.

4. Things I love to do every now and then, but if I did them all the time, I’d probably grow tired of them. It’s my “Never move to your favorite vacation spot” list. Example: I occasionally like to use power tools to build things in the garage, but I’m not sure I would enjoy doing it all day long.

5. Things I love to do so much that if I don’t continue to do them, I’ll die. This is my “starving artist” list. My almost daily habit of writing is at the top of this list, but I’d love to see it move up to the “I could make money doing this” category.

Here’s the way my “hate” list breaks down:

1. Things I would really prefer not to do, but have to do in order to co-exist with other human beings. This is my “Okay, okay, I’ll lift the toilet seat, but only because sleeping on the couch hurts my back” list. Example: Household chores.

2. Things I hate, but need to do because they are good for me. We’ll call this the “Please pass the Broccoli” list. Handstand-Push-Ups anyone?

3. Things I don’t like to do, but have to in order to get to do the things I love. I call this the “If you want to ride a horse, you’ve got to shovel some poop” list. Organizational meetings belong here. (Are you sure we can’t just do this via email?)

4. Things I don’t like to do, but always seem to end up doing, because I’m good at them. This is the “God has an ornery sense of humor” list. Project management is on this list. I’m pretty good at moving projects forward, even though it usually means I have to call a few face-to-face meetings to get the job done. (Dang it!)

5. Things I hate doing so much that no matter how much my job depends on it I can’t bring myself to do it consistently. This is my “Just go ahead and set me on fire” list. This is where mingling or networking with people I don’t know very well shows up. My version of hell is an endless “party” at which strangers are forced to stand around making small talk.

I’d love to design a life where I have to do very little of the activities included in categories four and five, especially five.

If I lived in a third world country, these categories would be meaningless. I wouldn’t be concerned with how to spend more time doing what I love and less time doing what I hate. I’d do whatever was necessary to survive, regardless of how I felt about it. But as Maslow has taught us, it’s only after we have our basic needs taken care of that we have the luxury of sitting down and coming up with lists.

Have you ever written out a “love/hate” list?

What would happen if you spent more time doing what you love and less time doing what you hate?

Do you think the world would keep spinning if you did?