As I wrote in a previous blog, before you move on to something new, its important to ask how you’ll be different in the new situation. It doesn’t do much good to ask the question if you’re not willing to actually work at being different.
It’s not enough to sit down and make a list of all the things you know you need to change about yourself and then promise to do better at the new place. That’s just piling another layer of good intentions on the highway to hell. We’ve got a better shot at changing if we sit down with a spiritual director, counselor, or trusted friend with a acute BS detector and asking them help us identify our blind spots. I’ve been working with a counselor for the past six months and he has helped me identify some dark parts of my personality that if left unchanged, or at least unmanaged, will keep leading me to the same dead end no matter what path I take. This was work I should have done several years ago, but I wasn’t ready to do it until I got tired of running into the same old me in every new thing I tried.
I’m not sure I can ever change some of the negative traits I’ve recently discovered. But now, at least, they have a name. To pluck a principle from demonology: to know a spirit’s name is to have control over that spirit. While not curing me of my biggest foibles, having the self-awareness to name them has given me a better shot at managing them. If I were about to step into a new situation, be it a new ministry or a new job at the local bait stand, I have a much better shot of giving an honest answer to how I’ll be different this time around than I had two years ago. (I’m certainly not claiming to have all my blind spots figured out and fixed. I’ve got a long ways to go.)
Bottom line: if you are contemplating a move and haven’t done the necessary inner work to know how to be different in your new situation, you’re not ready to move on, no matter how hard you’ve worked at convincing yourself that this new opportunity will change everything. No matter how great your new thing is–and it may be wonderful–there is just one thing wrong with it—you’ll soon be in the middle of it. It would be a shame to show up and mess it up because you don’t know the names of your biggest weaknesses.
Why not go ahead and meet yourself where you are now instead of where you’re about to be?
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Telling Stories, Asking Questions, Learning Lessons
Great stuff Wade! Should be required reading for all ministers. These posts are especially timely for me since I’m contemplating leaving my present church because it’s “never become what I had in mind” when I helped plant it several years ago. Perhaps God led me to these posts –#1 to rebuke my arrogance, and #2 to make sure I’m dealing with reality and not just my own skewed perspective. Thanks for helping me rethink things from God’s point of view.
Thanks Mike. It’s great to know that this stuff is helpful to others. May God bless you as you discern the next best steps for you.
Great post Wade! Discovering your weaknesses is a scary, difficult thing to do! I struggled with this a lot when I was working to get Bedrock Coaching off the ground. It was only later that I realized that learning about my weaknesses and limitations didn’t make me less qualified, it made me more qualified. I’ve also been amazed at how discovering my weaknesses opens the door for God to demonstrate some serious power!
Thanks for this reminder Wade.
Deacon–thanks for jumping in. We need to grab coffee again soon. I’d love to hear what you’re up to now.