An Emotional Pop Quiz

I could tell he was listening to my side of the phone conversation from across the room. I lowered my voice, but he kept listening. He moved closer as soon as I put away my phone.

“Excuse me. I couldn’t help but overhearing your phone call. Are you a pastor?”

I told him I was no longer a pastor, but was building a speaking/writing ministry. He told me he had just moved town a few months ago to plant a church in Round Rock. Right in the same area where we’d tried to start Fulcrum.

People ask me how I’m doing since Fulcrum folded and I tell them I’m doing well and that 2011 is off to a great start with exciting opportunities and possibilities on the horizon. I hope they believe me when I tell them this because I believe me when I tell them this. I’m feeling great and enjoying the pursuit of a different form of ministry. Still, a concerned skeptic could wonder if I was putting up a good front by delivering enthusiastic answers that come nowhere near the truth of how I’m actually doing.

To have this guy approach me in a coffee shop when I was least expecting it and to see in him the same posture, hopes, and dreams that I had a year ago was a curve ball.  It was an unscripted moment that caught me off guard and gave me a chance to assess how I’m really doing.  A friend of mine called it an emotional pop quiz from God.

You know what? I passed. I really did.

When he told me what he was doing and where he wanted to do it, my heart didn’t sink. When I told him that I had tried to plant a church in the same area last year and didn’t succeed, I maintained eye contact the entire time. There was no shame, no embarrassment, no fear of being judged as a lesser minister, disciple, or man because Fulcrum didn’t make it.

We had a nice conversation. I told him I’d be happy to sit down with him sometime and share what I’d learned about the area, and I meant it. We exchanged emails and I anticipate visiting with him again.

I’m not telling you this to brag on myself (although I am proud of my response), but to give others going through a difficult time a glimmer of hope. No matter how bad it seems or how bad you feel or how ashamed you are right now; if you keep on moving forward and paying attention to what is going on inside of you and what God is trying to say to you, you may one day find yourself taking an emotional pop quiz and being surprised that the dark feelings–the ones you’re thinking will be with you forever–are gone, or at the very least have been relegated to the cheap seats of your soul where they can scream as loud as they want and barely be heard.

How am I doing? I’m doing well.

And that ain’t just preacher talk.