In I Sold My Soul on eBay, Hemant Mehta describes a number of experiences he had while visiting churches across the country. He visited all different kinds of churches from the very small to the mega variety. What makes this book so interesting to me is that Mehta is an atheist. His descriptions of each experience are honest and balanced. He names the positives as well as the negatives in a kind and friendly tone.
In one chapter, he talks about a number of things that bothered him about his combined experiences at all the different churches. Here is one thing he mentioned:
Speaking of those who walk into church late, I want to know why they do so. Not everyone gets stuck in traffic. If church is so important, there is no reason to walk in late. In fact, if going somewhere to worship God is important, then people should arrive early. It seems completely disrespectful to me when people walk into the auditorium five or ten minutes into the service. And what’s worse is when parents come in with their children, who learn by example that walking in late is not a big deal. It’s just church, right? No need to get there on time. Is that what Christians want to teach their children?
Ok, assuming that there are valid reasons for being late–traffic, dirty diapers, small child meltdowns, etc–I find Mehta’s argument compelling. However, I must confess that if the same paragraph were written by a Christian I would have probably written the author off as a grumpy old fogey. Mehta is a young atheist and I’m willing to listen to his outsider’s perspective more readily.
Last Sunday, I mentioned Mehta and what he says about being late to church as a part of a larger discussion about the many ways we demonstrate disrespect for God or something that God has created.
It is a strange phenomenon. People who are never late for work, school, or soccer practice will saunter in 10 minutes late for the assembly and think nothing of it.
What do you think? Is the habit of being late for church that big of a deal?
Telling Stories, Asking Questions, Learning Lessons
I think it’s a big deal…but it does say something about our tepid respect for worship.
just finished this book last week. I thought he had some good observations at times. definitely worth the read.
I’m perpetually late everywhere I go, so when I’m late to church I’m just being “authentic.” I plan on catching up to life really soon. After that I’ll be early everywhere I go.
I think it is a HUGE deal because it shows where our heart is or ISN’T.
Thanks for the good post, Wade. I checked out your link and it looks like a good book. I mean, I quit going to church here (in small Picayune, Mississippi) recently because it was so depressing, boring and deadening. If Christians of many years can’t handle the songs being sung in a songbook over 30 years old in the same dead tone, then why should we expect to convert anyone.
Thanks for the insights. Dee
Growing up, on time meant being there five or ten minutes before you were expected. I wasn’t raised in the church, so when I became a Christian at 18, I was astonished that services that were scheduled for 10:30 often didn’t start until 10:45. I don’t get it.
I used to assume that the late arrivers were late because of the 6 million kids they toted along with them on Sunday mornings. I’ve “grown-up” some since the and now I only have two kids, but one of them counts for half a million at times and the other is only three months old and we make it to church 5 to 10 minutes early every week, so I don’t think it’s the kid issue anymore. I don’t know what to think anymore…
Two things.
I hate being late for anything. Early is on time. On time is late. Late is infuriating.
My wife is the opposite. I’m more concerned about her meltdowns than the children’s.
So, do you still want to ask, “How are you this morning?” when you see me on Sunday?
I have this big problem with being late. I think it may be due to that fact that my family is late almost everywhere. I simply just cant stand being late… it makes my stomach feel all weird and balled up. But, somehow… despite my dislike of being late, I manage quite well to end up late one way or another…
I know posting two comments is a bit excessive, but let me propose another reason for people being late to church. Some people show up late because it allows them to avoid relationships but still feel as though they’ve been in God’s presence. So they (or we) saunter in late and avoid all of those awkward, repetitive conversations that don’t seem to lead anywhere. They sit there, do their thing and get out. The communion meal is a perfect way to break down these walls, but luckily we’ve turned it into icommunion so you don’t have to interact with anyone. Perfect. This has been my strategy for the past few months.
I think it is a big deal because of what is often behind it. Sometimes I think being late communicates that a person has no ownership in what’s going on. They’re just a fan. They paid for their ticket, and can show up whenever they’d like to.
On a practical ministry level, it is disrespectful to visitors. Visitors usually show up early at our church. They’re nervous about arriving on time, and finding where they’re supposed to be. So they arrive a few minutes early. Members that come in late and leave early are saying to the visitor, “You’re on your own. I don’t have time to help you or get to know you.”
Steve Sjogren theorizes that people are late because they do not enjoy the worship time … and I guess there has to be something to that. If it was really all that great no one would dare be late.
Recently I presented the sermon right after the welcome and opening prayer. There were some wide open eyes and glances at wrist watches when people walked into the middle of the sermon. I’m going to do that occasionally… in my own mind to emphasize the importance of being on time … however I recognize that in their minds there might be a sense of relief and gratification in that they didn’t have to sit through the entire message.
At my friend Chris’ church they offer a full course breakfast one hour before worship and they have a lot of families that try to make that … everyone chips in a few bucks … and there’s lots of visiting that happens during that hour.
It’s not a matter of programming, in my view, but a matter of (1) heart and (2) a country club mentality of the assembly. It’s not really the assembling of ourselves together to provoke one another to love and good deeds … it is still ‘going to church’.
Interesting factoid I’m sure you’ve noticed, too, Wade, is that everywhere I go to speak the elders or worship leader will apologize to me saying something like “People at this church get here late. We call it being on (fill in name of town) time.”
Well Wade,
I promised myself to enjoy yours and all the other sites, and not respond. BUT I have an idea…not the ANSWER; but one reason, I think, that people are late for church.
Some people are late for EVERYTHING, and some on time or early for everything in their lives. To be late, they are either made that way or have allowed themselves to get that way. I know there are cultures where hardly anyone has clocks or watches, that it is accepted to show up and start ‘about’ some time. We do not have that excuse.
On another note. In my family, the most important things to be on time for —and NOT to be late regardless, are weddings and funerals. They make it. NO ONE is late…esp. to their own funeral. Maybe we should add one more to that list.
j.
Great post and discussion.
In places like Brazil, it seems like everyone’s late to everything all the time. Wasn’t such a big deal. But in a culture where most everything else starts on time, it’s irritating when people make it to work on time, catch planes, see the previews at the movies, but show up late at church. I think Tim, Russ, Dusty, John are right about the various reasons.
I use a simple phrase whenever I do pre-marital counseling with a couple: “Your past may explain who you are, but it doesn’t give you permission.” I obviously didn’t invent it, but can’t remember where it came from. It does communicate this, however, that once you know of a better way to act, it is your responsibility to change it in you.
About being late…I think what makes Hemant Mehta’s observations so powerful is that he doesn’t explore the “why” behind what he sees (this has both positive and negative facets), but he simply responds honestly to an observation: there are many Christ-followers who treat attending a worship gathering with a disrespect and/or insincerity. Like it or not, his observation is candid and honest.
Seems like we as Christ-followers only have ourselves to blame for creating disdain for our God. But then again, that reality may explain us, but it doesn’t give us permission.
I don’t want to suggest that people showing up late to church doesn’t bother me, because it does. However, I think that our irritation at such things and the perceived disrespect it conveys towards God indicates a more troubling problem. Sunday mornings seem to be the only time the American church engages in meaningful community together(an overgeneralization, I know). Since this is the case, it makes sense that we are bothered when others show up 10 minutes late because that’s 15-20% of our life together. Although my exposure to cultures that are less time-conscience is limited (i.e. Togo, Uganda, and the Navajo nation), one striking difference between us and them is the extent to which they are invovled in eachother’s life. It seems to makes sense that they are less bothered when brother Johnson walks in 15 minutes late because they spent all of Saturday helping brother Johnson find the goat that ran off the night before. Those 15 minutes are a fraction of a percent of the time spent together, therefore, not as big a deal.
I could be wrong (which I often am), but this problem emphasizes our concern for the hour spent together on Sunday mornings over and against the rest of our week. Thoughts?
That’s a great point Ben.
Thanks for jumping into the conversation.
I’ve thought about this topic for a long time. It used to bother me quite a bit when I taught class. It wasn’t real theological reasoning but I had put in several hours to prepare a lesson that either I wouldn’t be able to finish because no one was there on time or half the people would be walking in looking for chairs and greeting the people who were already there as class was on-going. I feel obligated when I teach to be there at least 10 minutes early. It would be nice of others showed up on time.
A place that I think can be problematic is when teachers don’t show up on time. On of my kids Sunday school teachers is habitually 10 min late. I think she is like this in all parts of life. I have found myself on more than one occassion making excuses for her to a visitor who just wanted to see the face of the person who was going to be responsible for their child. Oh and by the way, the visitor who has shown up on time now has to walk into their class emberassingly late as well.
But more importantly to me, I ask the question where else do you want to be? The same thing goes for other gatherings, be it Wed night or Sunday night or any other time. Why is it that no congregation gets the same attendance on Sunday night as Sunday morning. I can’t think of anywhere I’d rather be. I’ve skipped before, but usually its laziness to simply get in the car and go.
There have been some excelllent comments regarding this post. However, the idea of being “on time” is a purely western discussion.
In an event driven context, you start when everyone arrives, which brings up the question of whether people in our culture are just late, or want to be late (dodging conversations, music time, etc…).
Many churches pack so much in to the period from 8:30 to noon that getting from a sunday school class that finishes at 10:45 and into a worship service that starts at 10:50 is virtuallly impossible. But there is very valuable “one anothering” that happens during that time that makes them ten to fifteen mintues late so it;s not always completely fruitless.
Two excellent points by Ben and Jay. Perhaps we could simply label this discussion as a Western phenomenon (Jay, you pointed this out well), but I like the way both of you have pointed to a deeper reality going on here, namely, our conceptions of “Christianity” are often more “event driven” rather than “relationship driven.” I think a very natural by-product of going to an “event” is the assumption that my role is one of a casual observer, rather than as a participant. I think one of the things churches need to honestly address and think through is if they want to perpetuate an audience mentality or a participant mentality. How they answer will determine, in part, some of these expectations on time as well as how punctual we should be.
There are many very valid (and invalid) reasons why people might come in to the service late. Maybe they were working in the nursery and had to wait for someone to replace them before they could come in to the service. Or possibly, as previously mentioned, they were “one anothering”,and it ran over in to the worship time. My father-in-law is a new Christian of just a few months. He shows up to the service late quite often. I don’t think it’s to avoid interaction. I don’t think it’s because he doesn’t like the worship service. Personally, I’m just glad he’s there…late or not. We could analyze this all day long…but the way I see it is that even if someone is habitually late, at least they feel it’s important enough to be there rather than not coming to church at all. “Better late than never” is the phrase that comes to my mind.
This is a good discussion.
I was always late for work, well at least late by the account depts. way of thinking. For the creative department we always considered it right on time.
You make a good point. Maybe there is a loss of awe involved. Hey its just three songs and a prayer, what does it matter if I miss song X instead of seeing it as a time to honor God.
I will have to chew on this one.
Thanks.
“However, I must confess that if the same paragraph were written by a Christian I would have probably written him or her off as a grumpy old fogey. Mehta is a young atheist and I’m willing to listen to his outsider’s perspective more readily.”
Tangential, I know… But seeing as I have a tendency to do this also (anyone else?) – I’m wondering, is this mind-set acceptable? What is wrong with us taking a critique from within the body? Why will I let the non-believer take the speck from my eye, but not my brothers and sisters? Anyway…
With regard to being on-time or being late, I have to say it’s a choice. And choices reflect priorities… That being said, most of the time I have no idea what your priorities are… So, it’s important to note that the anger/frustration I might feel with regard to that choice is rooted not in the priority, but rather in my judgement of what that priority might be… Seeing as how in most cases all I have to work with is the behavior resulting from the choice… I fill in the blanks based on my judgements about being late/people who are late/my history with you/etc…
So to wrap up – My judgement (or belief) about all those people who are late (until they inform me otherwise), is that they made a choice to help fix a flat tire , or to take that street corner “pan-handler” to breakfast at ihop on their way to church because their priority is to love God by loving on people… And I’m okay with that kind of late 🙂
Much Love,
J
off the subject , and probably my eyes going bad and not being a careful reader—-when saw No. 13 I initially saw PRE-MARTIAL counseling…..
sorry Dwayne, I KNOW you would not teach folks to fight——–say, there is something called fighting fair–as I said, another subject.
Jay G.
Late? I thought it was just multiplying. I like to think that we have the fastest growing church around- from five minutes before worship to ten minutes after time to start!
This is a enormous problem everywhere. Your thoughts are appreciated. If only more would hear and heed.
If God were to be there, would they be on time?
I can understand Kyle’s point so much because as a Sunday School teacher and the pastor, I do put alot into preparing for Sunday morning (and wednesday evening) and part of that preparation is waking up long before anyone else in my house, taking time to meditate, exercise, read over the lesson for the day and going back over my sermon for the morning – all in an effort to arrive early for church so that I’d be prepared when students arive and when parishioners arrive.
I suppose some would say, “The pastor is supposed to be early.” But I’m still left with why it’s not a priority for the parishioners to arrive on time. It’s more than a little annoyance to see people tip-toeing in at 11:45 or even 12 noon if service starts at 11 (services in Black churches usually last about 1.5 – 2 hours), just in time for or during the sermon.
I have to agree with Marcy. Instead of constantly finding fault in the way people worship, their timeliness, what they wear, how they behave at church… why not actually rejoice that they are actually attending service? Does it matter that each person who attends, half an hour early or half an hour late, are both stained with the same sin and both inherently human – living with their own flaws and bad habits? No wonder so many people are turned off from going to church… they can’t even make the effort to go without their attempts being criticized by their own brethren. Surely the early brethren have vices as well – right? – but it doesn’t result in a mental tally mark by half the congregation every week. Do you think Jesus would be just as irritated if people consistently showed up late when they knew he was speaking? I don’t think so… he would welcome them with open arms no matter what time they decided to show up.
This is an older string of comments but I want to add. I found this string when looking for some insight from others regarding children arriving late for Sunday school. The young families in my church seem to have a problem with showing up on time for Sunday school which can be very disruptive for the teachers if they have to start their instruction over again. But it is impossible to not introduce the late arriving child to the craft or story or paper or whatever they are doing that day and get them engaged. My problem is this. I don’t have small children (any more) and I don’t remember this being a problem when I was a young mom. So is it a generational thing? Is it just my church? How do other churches handle this? We all know things can happen that disrupt your good intentions of arriving on time, but if it’s a regular thing it seems that it is just a lack of discipline. Thoughts anyone?